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It can really affect their self-esteem…they can get things in their head like ‘I’m a bad kid’, or 'I’m lazy', when they are not at all; they are trying so hard! We can make a big difference by working on it together; like how can you focus more by taking planned breaks so homework isn’t such a chore. Let’s change your mindset: if you’re great at soccer, let’s work on moving that work ethic for soccer into math, or improving reading fluency.

When the high school boy who was really stressed about tests comes in and says, 'hey I took the ACT, didn’t have any panic attacks and I feel like I did a really good job!'

When a client comes in and they are at their lowest of lows, my ultimate goal is to make the hour they come to see me a place where they can de-stress…where they can be their truest of selves and don’t have to worry about anything else. From there, trying to generalize out of the sessions, and into their regular life.

It’s tackling things from both ends. I give the tools to the child (or the teen), but also work with parents in order for them to better interact with their child.

Teens are the experts of themselves. They may need a bit of clarification, but they are the stage of their lives where they can take control...they know this is a trusted environment where they can be heard and not judged.

I start with body mapping...what is it that your body is telling you? From there we go into different thinking areas and pair them up with animals; for instance, are we being the 'jumping to conclusions rabbit'? That way, they can remember these things.

A huge piece in developing trust in the counseling relationship is being super authentic; the person isn’t going to change depending on what you’re sharing with them. It’s very important, particularly with teens, so that they can trust the person in front of them. When parents first get a recommendation to pursue counseling...it’s super important to know that the counselor is capable, responsible, and is going to do the best they can to help the family as a whole.

Maybe they’re having physical symptoms, somatic symptoms; then realized there was a big exam that I’ve been prepping for...all these symptoms started popping up when we were going to that specific class..then it was: this is something I have some control over...’I can manage this!’ There can be a side-benefit. Over the course of therapy, they’re developing better communication skills...the ability to have self-awareness, and self-confidence to be more assertive with their peers.

Working with clients at different stages gives me an interesting perspective. When you work with young kids, you can see where that trajectory is going to go, and know once they get to be a teen, being able to backtrack and figure out where we were first taking the path that led us to where they are today, and helping them to re-write that path to take a new course forward.

It’s a combination: spending time with the child to teach them how to express their emotions...but we need to focus equally on the parent-child relationship. This is what you can do to help them implement the skill in the moment.

Therapists who specialize in divorce have seen a lot of children of divorce….We have this roadmap. We know the bumps that may be coming. We can anticipate and help you work through it before you share any news with your children.

One of the troubles that parents seek help for is behavior...understanding what is developmentally appropriate, and thinking about what is happening before these behaviors, during, and  after...we’re like a little detective, to figure out the function of a child’s behavior.