Best Self Family Post
Social Media Safety: 5 Important Conversations for Parents, Teens & Tweens
8/26/17
The social media world is changing rapidly, allowing us all the opportunity to explore exciting new territory. Those of us working with or parenting adolescents, can help them enjoy it responsibly (but we have to keep up!). When the teen world revolves around short-term reward, it’s important that we help them think critically about long-term consequences.
Setting the Scene
Parents can increase the chances of their teens listening to them if they lead with a healthy dose of validation (regarding what this all means to them). Decrease defensiveness by asking what they enjoy most about social media. Emphasize that you want to learn more because you know it is an important part of their life. You wish only to ensure that they are aware of the risks so they can make good decisions and keep themselves safe. Adolescents and teens are far more likely to gain the freedoms they crave, when they have established mutual trust with you. This is done well when parents establish age-appropriate rules and expectations, as early as possible.
Snaps and Selfies
The rise of the camera phone has changed the game when it comes to communication and self-expression. In some contexts, photos replace words in the conversations teens share with their friends. One teen client of mine showed me a conversations consisting solely of back and forth selfies. It can be done in both a fun and intentional way, in line with their morals and values. Be clear about what kinds of photos are allowed to be taken, and what kinds are not permitted by any means. Beware that the disappearing act of photos that SnapChat claims to offer, has led some teens to underestimate the risks of sending a photo impulsively. The reality is that once the photo is taken, and shared even once, it is out there. They should assume that anyone could see it at any given time.
Keep in mind that social media applications are not motivated by or concerned with your child’s future, only you are. The teen brain is typically most interested in the most gratifying opportunity of the present moment. Experimentation and limit testing is normal at this age. If they take photos exposing their body or someone else’s, are they thinking of the future consequences of it being publicized? Try to discuss this issue sensitively, without judgement. Focus on solidifying their decision making skills and considering all possible outcomes of these choices.
Meet and Greet
It is now considered normal for teens to make new friends online. This can make parents quite uncomfortable as they begin to have less influence over social circles. Teens don’t necessarily differentiate between friendships made online versus elsewhere, they may value them both equally. While underage, we can teach them how to think critically and look out for those who may be falsifying their identity. Some parents choose not to allow in-person gatherings with online friends, others choose to limit social media contact to only friendships established in-person. Have this conversation now even if you’re unsure whether or not online friends exist in their life. Set your expectations and limitations first to avoid conflict later (i.e. meet via video stream with parent present, meet only when in groups and in public places, etc.). Do what feels right to you and your family, minus any shaming language.
Up and Coming
Just when I thought I had finally earned competency in SnapChat 101, I was recently corrected by a client. “Don’t you know about the new SnapMap? Marnie, it came out days ago!” and I almost lost my street credit with the blink of an update. Each time an application warrants an update, new features may be added and consequently used immediately. You might consider a rule in which new features are discussed before use. Reassure that this actually increases trust between you. While many updates are harmless, the example of the map feature, allows anyone your child interacts with on SnapChat to see their exact location. Many teens do recognize the danger this welcomes and have opted to turn it off. Another helpful limitation to set with your teen is turning off location services on their iPad or iPhone altogether, turning it on only temporarily if they need it for GPS routing.
Goodbye and Goodnight
Many families I know are now setting a rule that all electronics must be docked in the kitchen (or anywhere but the bedroom) at the same time each night. It could even be an all-family rule, allowing for better sleep and quality time together for parents, too. Yes, we can survive with the use of an old school alarm clock in our rooms. Most of us know how easy it is to scroll away for hours, while trying to wind down. For teens, who can hardly help it, this can go on for far too long and disrupt the sleep they need. They might wake up more irritable and find it harder to perform at school. Not to mention that the later it gets, our tanks become emptier (more moodiness, stress, vulnerability, risky behaviors, etc.). Discuss what other strategies they can use (instead) to relax and unwind when going to bed.
In Conclusion
Parents, if you know that your child is managing their social media responsibly, please tell them so. You can reward them with praise and privilege, without sacrificing safety. At Best Self Inc., we enjoy working with families who benefit from support in these areas. Please email info@bestselfinc.com to inquire about our services.